A Selfish Thought

Finally, she is back on her feet standing. I am supposed to be happy but somehow or rather there is still some despair inside because I know that after this, she would be out to venture on her own again. This time round, I do not know what would be the outcome from her and I am too tired to know.

As mentioned, I said that I just wanna let her stand up and move on in life. Somehow or rather, I could not bear to move on or let her go. Is this a selfish act? I think it is... I cannot be so selfish to want her here. This is a problem between them not me. I feel that my intervention had complicated the whole issue today. Now, I should let her fly away as she wanted to....

Working Overtime... and Loving it...

The heat is on. The week ahead is hectic due to the gruelling work commitments in which I am going to face. For the past whole week, I had been working more than 12 hours every day and somehow or rather, I am relishing it. Well, not as if the work I am doing is very fun or challenging but soaking myself in that kind of stress level seems very comfortable as it stops my mind from wandering anywhere else and venture into places which I should not be visiting...

Work and Work and Work. This is going to be my aim for the next whole year and I am going to focus on nothing but earning money and more money. I am not going to care about anything else. Relationships, life, houses, etc just have to wait. I am going to soak myself in the process of earning money and only money. Sounds materialistic eh? Well, it's not about satisfying myself through such materialistic means but simply, that is the only way I can think of which I would be able to release myself. Of course, dragon boat, guitar and sports are something which will not be forsaken in the process...

Preparing for the Gym now since I had not been working out enough for the last whole week. Push ups and Crunches doesn't seemed enough for me to release my stress. I guess, some iron and running in the gym should help...

Limit has no Bounds...

A tough dragon boating session yesterday, not because the load had increased but simply because I had pushed myself to the limit. Well, proud to say that for a solid whole week, I had trained at a high intensity for the whole week and when I reached the dragon boating session, I basically had nothing left in me. After the whole session, I am really at my limit and I could feel myself reaching it.

My heart bit never stopped, my head never stop spinning and my muscles simly ache all over. Finally, I had realized where I am. The point of reaching the ceiling is simply satisfying. Well, there is other aims in life and I really want to push myself even further, until I had reached a special level. A level which breaks more than my current level. Well, some would say that when u exceed this limit, your body would not take it. I do not know if my body can make it but pushing is something I really want to see...

Everything else is the same. Still go to work, still work hard in school. but then one thing for sure, finding that limit in life and a place where I belong...

A Gruel Pain and Loving It...

The pain is coming through. I felt the pain on my shoulders. My arms literally has no strength anymore, so much so that every typing on my keyboard is a pain. My back is feeling the pain and soreness. My legs are dragging like a prisoner tied down with a huge weight ball. Well, my whole body is feeling the ache but I am enjoying every moment of it. Well, at least it shows that I am alive...

It feels good to see my fitness go up day after day. It feels refreshing knowing that I had released every ounce of my energy out in a way or another. It feels rewarding to know that all this training will only make me stronger and stronger day after day. Now, I am preparing to go to Gym. I know it may sound sick after having a gruelling work out since tuesday continuously till today and worse of all, there would be dragon boat training tomorrow.

I have to do it this way. I have to release everything in me and release every pain in me. Off I go, to the Gym... This time, there is no stopping...

A Simple Week for Me...

A week has gone by and yes, everything remained simple. Simple tasks at work, simple activities happening, simple lessons and simple daily activities. As usual, I filled myself with enough things to make sure that I would not have any room for me to think about the past and should look forward. Somehow or rather, it is working.

Yesterday, Vincent called me and told me that I would be in the Dragon Boat team. In other words, I would be racing with them in Regatta and would be required to come for training regularly. The news came at the right time though. Dragon Boating to me now is one activity which drains me dry and I really like the feeling of training hard till no energy is left. It makes me feel that I am alived.

Trying to do some recording for the week. After what had happened, my life is simply in a mess and my productions are delayed again and again. Well, enough distortion. Now, it's all about making it right and back to basics is always the key- Keeping everything Simple...

A Cool Day with a hint of Despair

A very simple day. Jaylen's first month celebration was held at Chevron where all the people come together and enjoyed a good meal. All of us are so excited about him and he looked so cute. However, despite the celebrations, I could not bring myself to smile for even a second. Deep inside, I feel like I had totally lost faith in a relationship. That kind of feeling is like,"Nothing will last one. Why bother?"

Well, this whole incident had totally changed me drastically. There is totally no confidence in a relationship and I do not see anyway I can put myself in another relationship since nothing is going to work out anyway. Sigh, to make the matter worse, the main topic revolving around the dinner with Bao Guan is also about Relationships and all that. Suddenly, I feel like I am not anywhere.

Ironically, the same feeling was there last year at the same annual gathering. Well, when Zhu Ren ask me, "Where is Han Nee? Why never ask her out?"

Suddenly, it all seemed so familiar. I felt the same feeling as I felt last year as we also supposed to break contact then. Well, this time round it is very different. There would not be anymore reunion between us. Simply because, I had totally lost faith in a relationship....

However, I am fine. Although I still feel very hurt about this whole event, I am still able to push myself forward day by day. Although things ain't as smooth sailing as it would be, at least I am still inching forward day by day packed with enough activities to drain my energy away from me. I guess I should be fine...

My Thank You List...

Well, it's been a tough week both mentally and physically. The concept of draining every single ounce of energy in my body through all sorts of gruelling workouts does help me release all the stress in me. I guess such torture on myself is good as it improves my physique and at the same time, allow me to release everything in me in what I should say, a positive manner.

All I have to say is thanks to all the people who had been through this very down time with me. Some of them, I had not really spent much time with all this while due to many reasons. I am really grateful that they stood beside me and helped me through this period of time.

To Zhi Zhuo,

Thanks for showing me the side of life in which I never go about exploring. Well, thanks for telling me and letting me know that there are many things in life which I never tried before and I really have to say, I am really a noob when it comes to such things. In the end, I guess I would need to spend more time learningto appreciate things in which I never had the chance to do so.

To Jun Yao,

Thanks for showing those concerns and telling me how things should be now. Thanks for telling me that after going so far in my work, it would be stupid for me to give up all these just for someone who do not care for you at all. I guess you are right. Sometimes, it is not possible to change from being a Mr Nice Guy who always draw happiness in helping others around into someone who goes about doing things only for my own interest.

To My Family,

Thanks for being there with me all this while being with me through all the pains and heartaches. I know you guys would always be with me. And once again, sorry Mom for showing such a depressing side of me. Getting drunk is not the way to go and I had learnt it the hard way....

Thanks Aunt Jo for accompanying me to go for a jog at ECP and inviting me to her house for a meal. It is simply nice to have a simple meal like that. It does brighten up my day though...

To Samuel, Wee Kiat and Steve,

Thanks for enduring all this workouts with me and going to gym with me. Without you guys, I guess I would have given up long time ago. Well, I know you guys may think I am crazy for always increasing the weight loads, increasing the running pace, forcing more in everything. I am fine. It is just that I want to tire myself off till every single ounce of my energy is used up...

Sometimes, with all these friends, I feel that I am able to take on anything in this world. Sigh, let everything go now. More things are up ahead for me now...